Deafened

I have been crying out to be heard for 13 years... crying out against a wall. I have been hearing nothing but my own voice echoing back to me for all those years... I have been scratching the wall constantly until my nails bled but the wall didn't turn its face to me. It has become my endless struggle to be heard. And recently, the wall finally got cracked and realized how unintentially negligent it was. It suddenly turned into a welcoming hug, asking for my forgiveness. But now I am in agony, I am shattered in million pieces. But I cannot comprehend why I am not feeling happy that I got understood finally. Then I came to a thinking, that being surrounded by the echo of my own screams for so long deafened me. I was trying so hard just to be heard that I have lost the meaning of what I was saying... I was in the dead-end street of doubt... It felt like I was blabering all those years or talking nonsense, like I was wrong all along and that's why noone heard me... The ending of an almost life-long struggle leaves you with a feeling of emptiness. But more than that, it feels like I have become the wall... I don't hear myself now, I have said the same sentence too many times that I end up not believing it... I finally won this fight against the wall but now, I have to win against myself... I have to make myself believe that yes I was right, yes my fight was right and yes it is over now...